derekwiththegoodhair | Last Resort

Every day, since the day that Addison waltzed back into his life, the day that he became so paralyzed by change and fear that he let Meredith go, he finds it harder and harder to get out of bed. In fact, the only thing that gets him out of bed is the hope that he’ll cross paths with his now-former girlfriend and possibly, maybe even share a conversation with her. Hoping that maybe he can even make her smile. It’s the closest he manages to a smile himself these days. And so he drags himself out of bed and off to rounds, barely acknowledging Addison’s presence in the trailer.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

grieftograce

It’s wholly awkward, this whole thing with Derek, the fact that he’s back with Addison and they all have to work with one another. She just the best to avoid him but he’s just always there, like when she’s in the elevator or, like today, in line for coffee.

From:

derekwiththegoodhair

He can always tell that she doesn’t want to see him, and he knows if he was a better man he would leave her alone, let her pretend she doesn’t see him, but he’s not. “Meredith,” he says, her name his favorite word in the English language. “Coffee cart already? How early did you get here?”

From:

grieftograce

“Cristina and I have been scouting for surgeries since four,” she says, lifting her shoulders into a shrug before she orders a muffin for breakfast, too. “What about you? What on your agenda?”

From:

derekwiththegoodhair

“I have a deep brain stimulation consult in a couple of hours, and an aneurysm to clip at some point,” he says, conversational as he orders himself a coffee and a bagel and pays for her as well. “I’m pleased to see you eating something that very nearly resembles a breakfast item today.”

From:

grieftograce

“Well, as long as I’ve passed your judgement I might as well call the day a success and go home,” she shoots back, dropping the change she was going to pay with into the tip jar.

From:

derekwiththegoodhair

“It is quite an achievement,” he says, joking, though he’s not quite sure that she was. He sips his coffee as soon as it’s handed to him, never taking his eyes off of her.

From:

grieftograce

“What? What are you looking at? Do I have toothpaste on my face?” Meredith asks, reaching to swipe at her mouth and her cheeks, thinking of no other reason he’d look at her like that after choosing Addison instead.

From:

derekwiththegoodhair

“No, no toothpaste,” he says, smiling fondly as he considers the face that that would be a very real possibility with her. He wants to tell her that he’s sorry, that he misses her, that he made the wrong choice and beg her to take him back, but he doesn’t.

From:

grieftograce

“Good,” she answers, biting into her breakfast though she keeps an eye on Derek, because he’s making her wonder what the hell is on his mind with his gaze so firmly on her face.

From:

derekwiththegoodhair

He realizes he’s staring long after she does, and he clears his throat, turning his focus to his bagel. He spreads the cream cheese on top, hungry after running out of the trailer so quickly this morning. “The one hold New York still has over me is definitely bagels.”

From:

grieftograce

"And a certain redhead," Meredith says before she can stop herself, feeling immediate shame and redness warming up her cheeks.

From:

derekwiththegoodhair

“I’m not going back to New York for her,” he says, maybe a little too quickly. He’d made that clear to Addison, that he wasn’t going back, but he certainly didn’t expect her to stay. “And I can have bagels shipped.”

From:

grieftograce

“I guess you really can have it all, then,” she says, raising her brow before she turns and starts in the general direction that she hopes that Cristina is in.

From:

derekwiththegoodhair

“I - “ he stops himself as she starts to walk off, clearly uninterested in anything he has to say. He hadn’t meant it that way, he doesn’t even want Addison but he doesn’t know how to tell her that, tell either one of them that. And so he simply takes his breakfast and walks a different way then Meredith had gone, telling himself it’s for her sake.

From:

grieftograce

Meredith spends most of the day in the ER doing sutures and walk-ins, feeling an immense amount of guilt for how she’d spoken to Derek, even if she’d only been protecting herself the one way she knew how.

From:

derekwiththegoodhair

He sees her again later in the ER, looking her direction hopefully before remembering their earlier encounter. Before remembering that he doesn’t get to depend on her anymore. And so he looks down, and away, putting as much distance between them as he can.

From:

grieftograce

She sees him from across the ER and he looks hurt, upset, none of the things she wants him to be even after everything. She crosses the room once she’s finished suturing, ready to be more friendly. “Did you have a consult?”

From:

derekwiththegoodhair

“Yes, well, no, not exactly,” he says, stumbling over his meaning in his surprise. “He coded in the ambulance, several times…we couldn’t get him back.”

From:

grieftograce

"I, oh, I'm sorry," Meredith says, because no patient loss is ever easy. She shakes her head. "And I'm sorry for earlier about... well, being me."

From:

derekwiththegoodhair

“You don’t need to apologize,” he says. “I’m used to you.” He smiles, a real smile, though it’s tinged with sadness. He’s always loved the way that she is, even the way she thinks herself sour when she’s truly sweet.

From:

grieftograce

“You think so?” Meredith asks, eyebrow quirking upward. She likes to believe she’s not so easy to read, but maybe she is. Maybe he knows her better than she thinks.

From:

derekwiththegoodhair

“I know so,” he says, still smiling. “I hate to break it to you, but I know you, the real you, Meredith Grey. We can’t change that.”

From:

grieftograce

"You haven't even known me that long, Derek Shepherd," she counters, a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth before she can stop herself. "I could have all kinds of dark and mysterious things in my background."

From:

derekwiththegoodhair

“Mmm, yes, you’re right,” he says teasingly. The grin on his face nearly splits it in two. “I’m sure you have all kinds of terrible, horrible secrets I know absolutely nothing about.”